so yesterday i was quite proud of myself.
afterwork i came home got my stuff together and went SWIMMING.
this is a huge achievement for me because a. i went alone and b. i got in a swimming costume in public in a place with more than 10 people, all people i didnt know.
i felt sick with nerves on the way to the swimming pool and at one point did think about going home, but i kept telling myself 'thin body thin body thin body' and somehow that worked and i got there, got changed and swam. i didn't take my glasses off because i didn't know the layout of the pool, however i know it now so i'm going again tomorrow and i will take my glasses off and swim without needing to keep my head above the water.
i enjoyed swimming, i've always enjoyed it, it isn't one of those things for me that i dread doing, obviously bar getting in the pool in front of all the slim people, however now i've done it once, i'm sure i can do it again and again. i also have this rather random irrational fear of drains in swimming pools, but luckily when i was swimming i didn't see any near where i was so i will just stay there.
so if you're worrying about going swimming because of what you think you look like, don't. it's all good and worth it to get a bit of exercise in.